Partner backed after hesitating to help SIL plan wedding “do-over”

A woman who is reluctant to help plan her sister-in-law’s (SIL) second wedding has been backed by netizens.

The 41-year-old woman and original poster (OP), Reddit user Calm-Case3549, shared her dilemma on r/AITAH, explaining that her 37-year-old SIL’s first wedding had been a disaster, and now she’s being pressured to assist with a “do-over”.

For her first wedding, her SIL had opted for a potluck wedding at an aunt’s house, with friends providing music and other services.

However, the event quickly unraveled—some guests refused to attend, and the friend responsible for the music made errors during both the rehearsal and ceremony.

Now, with the couple eager to redo their wedding, the OP’s boyfriend is encouraging her to help plan the new event.

The OP wrote, “I would like to support SIL, but being told to help with a do-over is huge pressure. I suggested they get their wedding clothes on and take pictures in a nicer setting but they seem to have their hearts on a full party.

“I talked to my boyfriend and expressed my concerns. 1) She’s very hard to please, and she doesn’t have money to get what she wants. 2) I noticed that the people who backed out/canceled at the last minute were at odds with being asked for additional things.

“3) I own a tiny online shop, and may have a few dresses that fit her, but she will need to buy them. Alterations, modifications and wearing anything without a purchase will be off-limits. I don’t want to risk any damages.

“He began talking and gradually got angrier until he said that I was trying to kick his family while they were down.”

In the aftermath, the OP’s best friend also criticized her for bringing up her shop, suggesting that she should have waited for her boyfriend to broach the topic.

Despite the backlash, many Reddit users supported the OP’s position, with one remarking, “I mean, her first plan was a potluck wedding, I would dread helping her with a do-over too.”

Another user agreed, stating, “OP is not responsible for fixing their wedding, and it’s completely fair to set boundaries. Helping should be voluntary, not an obligation.”

Advice from external sources offers practical strategies for declining these kinds of requests.

BetterUp recommends being honest about personal limits without resorting to criticism, as this helps maintain relationships while preserving personal well-being.

Meanwhile, Indeed.com suggests offering alternatives or manageable contributions when saying no outright feels too harsh.

Newsweek has contacted Calm-Case3549 for comment via Reddit.

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